The University of New Hampshire takes on Valentine’s Day and Modern-Day Relationships

Men are flocking in and out of the University of New Hampshire’s (UNH) local Hannafords. By the time they leave there is only one thing in their hands, a bouquet of flowers. With groups of men traveling together such as the football team and friend groups alike, likely in search of a last-minute gift for a significant other in celebration of Valentine’s day. By 7 p.m. Hannafords is sold out of their flower selection for the day.

Despite varying labels attached to modern-day relationships, students found many ways to celebrate Valentine’s day in traditional and non–traditional ways in light of their relationship status and orientation.

“Complicated,” “fear of commitment,” “too many labels,” “diverse” and “difficult” are just a few of the many descriptions students at UNH used to describe modern day relationships they themselves are in, or witness.

Heather Johnson, a sophomore, human development and family studies major, celebrated Valentine’s day as if it was any other day of the week. However, after waking up, she dressed herself nicer than a typical day, put on makeup and did her hair. Her day consisted of going to classes, hanging out with friends and watching Netflix later that night. Although she did not celebrate the holiday she said as a student you see and hear a lot about it.

“Too many people put too much into the day, that it can’t just be for everyone,” Johnson said. “Most people resent it if they are not in a relationship. Other people are scared to spend time with you if you are not in a relationship, but if you do have feelings for each other, for them it seems like too much commitment even just for one day; even though that makes no sense. I don’t necessarily believe that’s how it has to be, but other people do.”

Julian Maduro, a sophomore, English and justice studies dual major celebrated the holiday with friends by eating chocolate, strawberries and milkshakes. Maduro is not currently in a relationship, but she topped her night off with a first date with a girl she recently met.

“There's "talking", "dating", "going on dates", "hanging out", "hooking up", etc.,” said Maduro. “It’s hard to know where you stand with people sometimes, so it's important that you have that conversation with your partner. I don't necessarily think a ton of students are dating in the traditional sense of the word, though a lot are. Many students are in variations of the types of relationships I mentioned before. I see a lot of "talking" as being exclusive with someone but also not putting a label on it.”

Maduro said that she believes everyone should find something or someone to celebrate during this holiday even if your standing in a relationship is currently more complicated than you’d like.

“I think Valentine’s day is a holiday worth celebrating even if you're just celebrating yourself,” Maduro said. “It doesn't need to be expensive or anything like that, but it gives us all a chance to pause and remember that love and self-love shouldn't be forgotten, especially since we all tend to be pretty busy nowadays.”

Grace Indoccio-Kerr, a freshman, human development and family studies major, is in a relationship with her boyfriend of two years. The couple celebrated Valentine’s day at home by cooking dinner together and watching her favorite romance movie, “A Walk to Remember.” Although Indoccio-Kerr is in a long-term relationship, she says she doesn’t think it is common to see dating on a college campus, especially among under classman.

“Girls seem to get excited when a guy will even text them back and guys know this, so it ultimately lowers their levels of effort,” Indoccio-Kerr said. “Common respect from guys is something that is praised and made out to seem special, when really it should be expected. I feel like most students I talk with aren’t dating, but casually talking to other students at their own convenience.”

Indoccio-Kerr said that she believes Valentine’s day is a celebration of love, not only for couples or those in a relationship, but for all forms of love. She said, whether its friends or family everyone deserves to celebrate.

On-campus senior psychologist, Michelle Morrow has worked for the university’s Psychological and Counseling Services (PACS) for over a year and a half. Within her department they handle a lot of concerns regarding relationship struggles. From long-distance to how to initiate a relationship the psychologists at PACS have heard it all.

“I think that above all there is diversity in terms of romantic relationships,” Morrow said. “Some students are in long-term committed monogamous relationships, some are in open relationships, some are dating, and some prefer to be single. I think that there has been a trend toward students identifying what fits best for them as opposed to having the idea that there is one way to be or engage in a relationship.”

In relation to Valentine’s day, Morrow said that she understands that there are struggles many students face.

“Valentine’s day can be difficult,” Morrow said. “For those in a relationship it may be stressful because of worry about expectations. For those who are single and would prefer to be in a relationship it may make people feel more alone; students in this position may have the false belief that “everyone else” is in a relationship and that those relationships are always happy.”